A Rant in a Labyrinth

"Semper ad meliora", Always onwards towards better things.

Let's be honest for a moment you guys, we've all, at one point or another, have found ourselves in a Labyrinth of the Future. Using the promise of the future to escape from the pressures of the present, I'd be lying if I said that I haven't done this (& you'd be too, so don't lie, this is a safe place).

We've all created our own Labyrinths that contain some of our favorite daydreams, whatever they may be. They all have their own rooms & we navigate to whichever that we see fit for that moment. If were dealing w/ greif, you may find yourself reliving your favorite moments w/ that person, if it's anxiety, you may navigate yourself to an entirely different situation, perhaps one that is fantasy based.

I'll share one of my Labyrinth rooms, if it'll make you feel better;

It normally begins w/ a warm day & a few clouds in the sky, but I'm looking at them through a window that has a wooden frame. The window is open. Outside there is a garden that's home to a few vegetables, a fig tree, & a few flowering plants. It feels like it's going to rain. Inside I'm in the kitchen (between you & me, whenever I'm in this Labyrinth House I'm typically in the kitchen, the living room, or the lil at-home-office, & have no idea what the rest of the house looks like). Sometimes I'm baking, other times I'm putting a book down & just looking outside, & sometimes I'm listening to the noises in the other room. Little feet, laughter, music, nature. But everything is gentle, everything is present, & there is always a sense of contentment.

I use to be so afraid of that word; Contentment.

In my mind, Contentment meant that I was settling. Synonyms included okay, well-enough, passing, at par. & I couldn't tell you why I thought this. B/c by definition, Contentment means "a state of happiness & satisfaction", is that not what everyone wants in their lives? To be happy & satisfied? Is that not what the Fellowship of the Ring (the ones that survived anyways) felt when Frodo finally casted the Ring into Mount Doom & they defeated Mordor?

I was never afraid of Contentment, what I was afraid of was settling. So afraid, in fact, that I promised to never do it again. Settling lived in the forest that I was navigating, leaving, (escaping if you will). However, I've found that settling is an easy thing to avoid.

But (here is the connecting thought) I can't find Contentment in my life if I'm always escaping into the Labyrinth. The Labyrinth isn't real, perhaps one day one of those rooms will become real, but as of right now it's not. & that's okay.

I can never live in the future, the future will always be the future & it's ever changing. That book isn't written yet.

On that same note, I can't return to the past. Not the good parts nor the bad parts, what is done is done. That books is closed.

That leaves me w/ the present which will become the past one day but it's also the future I dreamt of. The book that I'm currently writing.

Being a little redheaded girl w/ big dreams, I've always had an idea of what I wanted to be like when I was older;

Independent,

Well-read,

Kind,

A force to be reckoned w/,

Adventurous,

Patient,

Confident,

These are all these qualities that I saw in my mother, in my nanny, in some of the most inspirational people in my life & I wanted them to be mine.

Sitting here now, I find it very out-of-body b/c I have become these things. These qualities. & I did it through being present, not living in the Labyrinth of the Future.

Through working hard & being smart w/ my money I earned my independence. Of course, that was after learning that independence was earned not given when you turn 13.

Kindness is something that I always desired & understood that I had to give kindness to receive kindness. (S/O to my 2am religious research panic when I was a sophomore in HS)

These qualities I picked up through being present, though I'd be lying if I said being present is easy b/c it certainly is not.

It's no secret that I've struggled to be present, I've mentioned it here numerous times &, if you know me IRL, then you certainly have heard my rants/concerns. In fact, being present & practicing how to be present is something that I talk about in therapy often. Probably the most discussed topic, followed by trauma.

Anyways...

Being present is something that I've been working on in numerous parts of my life. In my relationship, my friendships, my hobbies, the work that I do, quiet literally in all aspects of my life. In all of those aspects, I've learned (& am still learning) different grounding techniques for them.

But what does any of this have to do w/ the quote at the beginning? "Always onward towards better things"? Well,

Are we able to move forward (onto better things, perhaps) if we spend our time in the Labyrinth? Now, here is what I'm not saying, I'm not saying that you can't daydream. I'm not saying you can't hope, or imagine, or fantasize about the future, about having super powers, about whatever else makes your heart beat.

What I am saying is to not let it consume you. Do not let it handicap you. Do not be discouraged by how big you dream b/c if you're dreaming that big then you must be onto something great. But do not let it consume you, do not let your dreams stay your dreams.

Have I contradicted myself yet?

I don't know, you guys.

What I'm saying is that do not spend all of your time dreaming of the future or drowning in the past, be present, b/c, through being present, that's how you really begin living your life.

(Side Note: what if I just delete everything I wrote & just left that last sentence? The Chaos. I'm not going to do that.)

Let's catch up real quick too, ya know, while we're here.

My Yule season was well-spent, as I hope yours was. My boyfriend & I spent it together w/ my family, we did end up sleeping on the floor one night. No, I don't want to talk about it (blow-up mattress). What we can talk about is how I made Christmas Day breakfast by myself (well, S/O to Gabe for making the bacon & taste testing the waffles) & it was a success.

Learning Greek is going well, however, I am at a point where I need to up my notetaking. Ruby & Sapphire league are no joke. I've also got to practice speaking it b/c just reading & writing it isn't going to get me too far. I think.

Beowulf has finally been added to my collection of books, for a whole $6 & I've both excited & not to reread it. Reading it is like eating a steak that is a little over cooked, still good but tough. Though, speaking on book hunting, I've still been unable to purchase any books that are written in Greek. For now...

Moving on, your turn;

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Wow, you don't say.

Well, thanks for sticking around & listening. I hope that I was able to give you something to mentally chew on. What flavor would this conversation be?

Until next time,

Haunted Lore