Back to the Basics

Gia Seia dear reader!

I have recovered from the *big sad* of my moms birthday & am feeling slightly refreshed via emotions & alike. 1 Mess Hall burger + 1 Salted Caramel brownie + a trip to the beach & her birthday was celebrated. Only thing that would have made it better would have been if I didn't celebrate it alone.

Yesterday, I made homemade lemonade & it brought a odd sort of nostalgia that I haven't felt in a while. It reminded me that making lemonade is, in a way, going back to the basics of who I am as a person. I love lemonade. It's something that I remember making in my childhood. It's something I remember drinking at fairs & festivals. Perhaps I'll share the recipe, though there are about a thousand & one recipes online already...

Today I'd like to give a special s/o to Gabe bc he's been a big source of encouragement lately. The last two or three months I've struggled to continue & fully committing back to learning the Greek language. I don't know why, I do still have a desire to do it but have struggled to bring myself back to it. However, Gabe shared w me a SoundCloud Creator (Language Transfer) that aids in teaching languages & covers Greek. Today I spent probably 30 minutes listening to his videos & learning to enjoy the language again! How exciting!

(The cover photo for this post is my Greek note journal & a bilingual book, english & greek, that I've been attempting to study)

Also, work has been rough lately. Recently, I switched store in hopes of a better work atmosphere but, mainly, to save on gas since it cost an arm & several toes to fill up my cars tank. The new store that I've transferred to is odd. Their set up is difficult to maneuver, they do not have a prep station so whatever needs to be prepped must be done on the floor (which is not the easiest things to accomplish during our rushes), & it generally feels as though I don't belong there. No, no, the other employees aren't being unfriendly or anything like that, it's more as though there is something inside that is insisting that I not stay at the store.

Or, maybe the company.

Whether it's intuition or just anxiety, we're going to stick around to find out.

That being said, Gabe has brought it to my attention that I reach back out to the wonderful sisters of Ghost Hill Press & ask for an internship, of sorts. Especially since they are living my dream, or rather something very close to it.

Owning a bookstore.

Crafting coffee.

Doing what you (they)(me) love.

They hosted a latte art contest earlier this week, how cool??

At first, when he proposed this idea to me, I was unsure. Earlier in this year, I had asked about employment at their bookstore. They said they'd love to have me, however, they didn't have the funding to afford me. Which is understandable. Gabe mentioned that an internship would be me getting my foot in the door of something that is a goal of mine & gaining insight, which can be payment enough.

Upon hearing that, it dawned on me that he was obviously correct.

Side Note: isn't it funny how our brains work? Sometime things that are so obvious or simple do not click or make sense until someone else says it to us (you). But, once that person says it or explains it, it's like... WUT??

To continue..

Secondly, after I accepted this idea & became a bit excited about it, it also dawned on me that they could just say no. A fear of rejection. W/out me having to say anything or even fully process what I was feeling, Gabe pipped in & said that they fear of rejection will always be there but not to let it control me. (Okay, actually, he said something more like: he understands, fear of rejection, wants me to achieve my dreams though, don't let anything hold me back, ect *w/ love*)

Sorry, I realize that this sounds like I'm bragging about Gabe, however, his support & encouragement has been such an eye opener after these past few months where I've been questioning myself as a writer, an adult, a good person, general life choices. & it's so odd bc I haven't really brought any of this questioning to his attention, I've kept it to myself but he seems to just sense it.

Or maybe I'm reading too much into his general good natured self & his big heart.

Either way, whether he knows it or not, he's been a sort of lifeline so I haven't spiraled yet.

That being said (ALL of that), I've been able to clear my mind a bit & focus on a direction I'd like to take my life in. I've been too focused on the, what I've been told, is the necessary parts of life, the steps to being successful. I've forgotten the basics of a happy life, more importantly, what the basics are of my life that makes it a happy life.

I've been focused on what I've been told would make a happy life instead of what does make my life a happy life.

Since I watched Barbie of Swan Lake (a classic, I know) I've developed a love of baking.

Since discovering a love of reading (s/o to my uncle Dan) I've dreamt of owning my own bookstore.

Since joining FFA, I've wondered if a self sustaining life was in my future (spoiler alert, it will be apart of my future).

Since graduating from high school, I've wondered if the choices I've made & the ones I'm going to make are the right ones (still wondering this but in therapy now to help deal with the impending doom feeling & anxiety)

I went through the phase that (I assume) every female goes through; do I truly want to be married or was that what I was taught to want? Do I truly want children, or was that what I was taught to want? Am I or could I remain more than someones wife, someone's mother, will I be able to stay independent as a person while being able to accomplish both of those things? & after lots of research, self-reflecting, & observation, I realized that the answer is yes. I'd love to be a wife & a mother, & that I can & will 100% still chase & accomplish my dreams while doing so. I can own a bookshop & a achieve a self sustaining life while being a wife & a mother, who is to say that I cannot? (Though the thought of being a mom rn is sooooo weird, I ate dino chicken nuggies & mac & cheese for dinner the other night! I am still a child!)

Writing is something that I love to do, it is something that I have always loved to do but the minute that I treat it like a job it begins to feel forced. Finding a balance where I can still do the thing that I love while working towards it becoming a potential career, that's a goal & one that I intend of accomplishing. Afterall, it's a hobby until you make a profit on it, right?

These are a few things that make my life a happy life (not counting the wife/mother part, obviously), the basics of my life. The things that are apart of my core as a person. Sure, there are other things such as I love being a plant parent, especially doing plant trades w friends. My love of culinary is much more than just baking. DnD is one of my favorite actives, though I can rarely do it anymore. Obviously, Halloween & the spooky alike, are a no-brainer. These are all too a piece of who I am as a human, as me.

However, it is important to remember (for you & for me), that, as a human, I am ever changing. & that's such an important thing to do: Change.

Change your mind. Change your opinion.

Yes, embracing change can be so scary at times but it is necessary for growth. As humans we make constant errors, we are constantly learning from those "oopsies", & learning is apart of growth. If you're not growing then you're not living.

& if you're not living, you're the a member of the undead which means you're evil, which doesn't pass the vibe check.

Anyways, I hope the world is being kind to you all, dear readers, & more importantly, I hope you're being kind to yourselves!

Until Next Time,

Haunted Lore