Geia, a thought

I've got a short post for you, dear reader, today. Sitting at my desk, debating whether or not to read The Hobbit (bought for $8!) or to think of something make for dinner. However, it's looking like neither at the moment.

Last Saturday I took myself on a date, which is the first time that I've ever done that & I enjoyed it.

After waking, I made some coffee at home & attempted to do some writing. Yes, that is still happening thought it is slow &, in all honestly, a little painful. Called one of my best friends & caught up. By the time that we ended the call & I showered, I made the decision to go to the Saturday Farmers Market & get a homemade lemonade from Squeeze, a lemonade truck. &, surprisingly, there was a local market too, it was hosted a block over in a historical house. Which I had never been in so that was cool.

After the double-market action, I decided to stop in a local bookstore called Papercut. Personally, I enjoy Papercut but others don't. Which I can understand b/c I did see a few books in the shop that were obviously bought off of Thrift Books & just rebranded (if you don't know what that is, do yourself a favorite & look it up, you won't regret it). Their prices are hit or miss, either the books are full price, which isn't a problem unless you take into consideration that they originally marketed themselves as a used bookstore. The Aesthetic though? 10/10

Once I found a $8 copy of the Hobbit (!!!) & one of those books that you partake in the adventure for $4, I took a walk. Walked around downtown, got some sun & popped into a few little shops that I don't always get to. After decided to wrap it up & head home, I stopped & spoiled myself a little more & bought a Wake & Bake donut.

10/10 recommend taking yourself on a date, especially if you have not done it before like myself.

Then I got sick, so.

This week I nursed a.... something? I had a headache & a sore throat for three or four days & one night where I had terrible chills. Thankfully, it's over now.

Don't worry though! I've narrowed what recipe I'll be writing about in the next post, it's one that I originally made when I first moved out. What is cook about that recipe is that it, altogether, cost less than $5.

While sitting at my desk & debating what to do next, I took a little break & scrolled on Instagram. Yes, yes, yes I know that social media is toxic & I am still attempting to cut back on the amount of time that I spend on it.

However, while scrolling, I saw a video that brought forward a lot of thoughts. The video talked about how when you speak poorly of yourself or put yourself down, you're doing that to your inner child.

*Insert your favorite childhood photo of yourself*

Did the treatment of those in my childhood affect the way that I treat myself? Did the way that those in my childhood speak to me affect the way that I talk about & to myself now? The answer is probably yes, is that a surprise? I'd say not.

I know that it affects the way that I view myself, especially when it comes to what I deserve & my body image. We won't dive too deep into that, promise. However, it gets you thinking doesn't it? You're (me) just projecting the awful treatment that we (I) received as a child from the adults. We are recreating the treatment that caused our trauma in the beginning, the reason that we struggle now. We trigger ourselves by saying the things that our adults from childhood said to us that hurt us. Insults that we can't forget, phrases that echo when we are at our darkest, words that we project onto the people that we care about now b/c we aren't use to being treated well & w/ love.

Isn't it weird that the people who love us the most are the same people that we tend to mistreat the most at times, until all the dirty truths & details are brought to the surface. Until we are exposed for the anxious, traumatized inner child we are? The trauma is discussed. The lies you've always been told & now believed are brought into the light. They see how jaded our perception of ourselves is &, assuming they're worth the time & care about you, spend their time attempting to reshape that perception. Though it's not their responsibility & they still do it, how did we deserve these people?

Isn't that a toxic though? Thinking that we must be deserving of decent & proper treatment, shaping the love in our life as something that is to be earned & not expected.

Just some food for thought for you guys.

W/in the next few days I'll be posting the recipe, originally & update versions.

I hope all is well for you guys.

Until Next Time,

Haunted Lore