MIA, for a reason

Hi Amici! I'm sorry about being MIA for the last almost two weeks, so let's catch up on the almost -3 weeks- that I've been gone.

It's my Blink-182 year, meaning that I turned 23 & had a little party. No worries, everyone who was there was vaccinated or works remotely. There were drinks, games, a homemade meal, 90s movies on silent while a personal created playlist played over it, & a professionally done cake. (!!!) Chocolate cake with espresso guanche & a oreo filling frosting. (perhaps I'll do a bonus post about the drama surrounding my cake..?) Afterall, nobody likes you when you're 23!

I honestly didn't have the best mindset going into my birthday week (my family celebrates birthday weeks instead of just the day, I can explain later) & I ended up requesting almost a full week off of work b/c of that. However, some great things did happen that made the week turn around! My friends at work were all very excited about my houseparty & the turnout was more that I thought which, in all realness, made me cry later on. Happy tears, mind you! After the cake drama was situated it was a hit, the flavors were great & the new decorations looked good. I actually got presents this year, I can't remember a birthday within the last 6 years where I actually sat down to open presents on a birthday. & I got the coolest shit, like???

Guess what though... I took birthday photos & posted them! I didn't hoard them on my phone for months & debate about captions & whatever. I simply posted them with stupid captions that *I* liked & haven't gone back to look at the amount of likes that I got or comments.

So, that is part of why I've been absent.

Another reason being that I've been struggling with being present lately. The end of March was a sort of difficult time, I had a lot of random things going on & it was hard to break my mind away from anything. Which in return made me completely redesign what I had originally planned for my birthday week, which was to take a friends only road trip around the state I live in, but a house party wasn't a bad second choice.

Graduating from college is an ordeal, at least for me anyways. I've got a lot to plan & I'll be seeing my family for the first time since prior to the pandemic starting & they'll be coming to my apartment for the first time. The very first time!! It's both stressful & exciting. I'm planning some cool graduation picture ideas too, doing an anime themed one & another more normal one. However, I also want to do a small house party with my family or go out for pizza maybe, I don't know to be honest. Gotta plan plan plan.

Thinking about it now, I'm probably struggling to feel present so much right now b/c I have a lot of future plans going on that need figuring out. This summer I'd like to fully dive into being more present without hesitation.

Today I will practice being more present, writing this blog post does help with that. I'm going to go out & do some random stuff that I normally want to do but hold myself back from b/c of this that or the other. There is a gourmet cinnamon roll place that opened up a few weeks ago that I've been wanting to try & it's Earth Day so maybe I'll do a little picnic for lunch or even dinner.

I don't know, there are so many possibilities when you stop yourself from thinking about the distant further & focus on the now. This morning I woke up at 8:30 w/out an alarm & was proud of myself, I read some on my phone - since I'm still deciding on a new book to read- & maybe a pour over coffee. I paid off the last bit of what I owed for this current college semester! Signed up for something work related that I've been putting off & I should be getting my tax return soon. Now this blog post will also be added to my list & it feels great to be productive while not actively worrying about a future that I can only particularly control.

Now I've got to eat a little something before heading into the city for a small adventure & maybe a stop at a bookstore... who knows anymore. Being present is the main focus on today &, as long as I accomplish that, today will be successful.

Arrivederci,

Haunted Lore